Does it always end up this way?

I had dinner last night with a couple of friends and the conversation was generally negative with them spending a lot of time talking about their past and the fun they used to have. You see they are both married and I am single. They are in their early 50's and I am in my early 40's. I got divorced after 16 years of marriage and 18 years of being together. The divorce was not what I wanted.....I knew that there were problems, but nothing so severe that they couldn't be worked out...my ex thought differently.

My friends complained about being married, the lack of joy in their lives, the lack of desire for intimacy with their husbands and overall unhappiness.....Does it always end up like this? Neither of my friends are planning on leaving their spouses, but one does wonder that if they are feeling like this, then what are their husbands feeling? I asked them if they told their husbands about how they felt and both answered yes and no.....they have spoken of some of their discontent, but not all. Will they be like my ex and wait until it gets to the point of no return to really do anything?

Why do we find it so difficult to really lay it all on the line and say what we really need to say? My former husband came to me and told me that he was unhappy and thinking about leaving. I asked him what he was unhappy about and he told me everything. So what was I supposed to do? I didn't know what to do....I waited for him to make up his mind. He told me he wanted to stay and work on it, but then neither of us discussed it any more and neither of us made any changes in the way we were living our lives and then a year later, he was done and wanted out.

I assumed that when he had something more to discuss he would come to me...he didn't. He assumed that I would turn myself inside out to make him happy....I didn't. We lacked the tools necessary to figure this out and it simply just didn't occur to either of us to ask for help from friends, family or therapy.

I am struggling to figure out who I am and what I want now. I have never been on my own and the rules are all different when you have to make the decisions on your own! If I make a bad decision, I am the only one who has to deal with those consequences, but also, I have no one to help me figure out why it might not have been the right decsion.....so I see both sides of the coin ....it is really great to be part of a couple and have someone there to rely on, but also, it is just as good to rely on myself....how else am I going to learn?