Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

In my previous blog I talked about when do you become an adult and start acting like one. The situation has been on my mind for several days now and I have talked with several people about what has been happening and they have all pretty much said the same thing…..this person is either friends with the ex or his girlfriend and feels that talking to me would be a betrayal of that friendship. Okay, I will let it go and believe that this is what the person is thinking.

The problem is…..why is this still on my mind? This person and I were not great friends and quite honestly not much more than casual acquaintance. This would require a great deal more than I had anticipated. One of the things that I have learned about in the last couple of years is when you are faced with something like this and it really gets to you or stays on your mind then there is something within yourself that needs to be looked at. A person is not always ready or willing to look at these things, but me being the kind of person who has to figure out everything and put it into a nice, neat little box, can’t let something like this rest.

I attend Al-anon and practice the 12 steps. Those familiar with AA and Al-anon know about the steps and those who actively work their programs, work the steps. They are not mandatory, but when worked, give a person insight into themselves and help them live the best life they can live for that day. That being said, the fourth step requires the person to “take a searching and fearless moral inventory of themselves”. This step can be very, very scary because more times than not, when you look within yourself, you will see things that you don’t like and nobody wants to confront that! Since this situation has been sitting on my mind I decided to take my inventory and went looking as to why this situation has me so disturbed and do you know what I found? Yes, you probably guessed it…..I found that the reason why this situation was still sitting with me is because, I have treated people the same way and now that I am being treated this way….I see what it feels like and I don’t like it.

There is one person in particular that I still treat this way and no it’s not the ex! There is a person that I used to be friends with and whenever we talked or hung out, it was fun. I introduced him to my best friend and they dated for a short period. The relationship ended badly and he was very hurt. He kept calling me at work and wanting me to hash out things with him and I just couldn’t do it, I felt like I was betraying my best friend and also felt like he wanted me to side with him and say what an awful person my best friend was. In reality, she could have handled their situation much better than she did, but she didn’t and all I really wanted was to be left out of it because I was embarrassed that she had treated this person this way. So what do I do to this person now? Whenever I see him, I don’t acknowledge him in any way, shape or form….talk about lessons and paybacks!

Okay, so now I have done my fourth step and when this is posted I will have done the fifth step which is to admit to God, to myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrong. The next step can be a little tricky though, it says that I shall “make amends where ever possible except when to do so would injure them or others”. The other underlying factor here is to also check my motives….why am I trying to make amends….is it just to make myself feel better or is it more than that?

Certainly anytime that you admit to someone that you were wrong the reason is twofold, one is to let them know that they did nothing wrong and the other is to make yourself feel better. I would like to let this person know that the way I treated him was unkind and that I am sorry for being a knothead! I am not expecting this person to forgive me for the way that I treated him, but I do want him to know, that I now know that what I did was wrong and I plan on being a much better person in the future….so the question still hanging in the air is; is it more than just trying to make myself feel better?